smart-sane's Diaryland Diary

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Put it to Bed, 2004 is Done

Watching: Alias, duh.
Listening: laundry.
Reading: Can you read a picture? Cause that's who I'm rooting for on The Amazing Race.

Well Ladies and Gents, Alias is back; so am I. That was totally worth the seven month wait! I can't wait til Next Wednesday at 9, and the Wednesday after that, and every Wednesday til May, because every episode will be new. Things to be thankful for in 2005: 1.

I wish I could say I missed this space of web on my short holiday sojourn last week. But I made a resolution to lie less, and I'm sticking to it. This whole "lying less" thing will probably turn me more into a jerk, but hey, you can't stop the inevitable. I'm just bored with this site, but I'm not going to leave it because I still need my outlet that I know some people read, but I'm still not exactly sure, and I guess there is a little bit of excitement in that for me. Maybe if I get a job, that will be something to moan and groan about. Or if, god forbid, I ever have a meaningful relationship with a man who loves me, whose love I'm not afraid to accept or acknowledge or return. Now that would really be something to write about. Of course I wouldn't write in specifics. Me and the abstract, a match made in heaven. And I said a "man" so that will probably be many moons from now.

Are you sick to death of year-in-review lists? Sit tight, here comes another one. A lot happened in 2004, but offhand I'd never recall the nitty gritty. So I've compiled a list of exciting, ridiculous, supercali, embarrasing moments of the year. In my case only. Feel free to start your own list. It's good to remind yourself that yes, that happened this year too.

[Care to Review 2003 before we start? Mind-numbingly awesome, this I know.]

2004 Month by Month

January:
I went to San Diego with Jubi and spent my yearly allottment of time in Urban Outfitters. Got my letter to Pioneer School. I called Tiff & Pete on 1.24.04. And I wrote this awesome poem. I really really liked the way I wrote in January. I was in a groove.

February::
I tried to slide down our stair banister. Ouch. Someone should've alerted the hospital. For the Insane. Also, I learned what happened when you let your friends' opinions become yours because you aren't strong enough to form your own at the time.

March:
We drove Jubi out to New York and left her there. Totally on purpose. And then towards the end of the month, I made the stupidest mistake so cavalierly; the ramifications of which I still feel to this day. So I guess that would also qualify as my biggest regret of 2004. Not my answer, but how I handled my answer.

April:
I went to San Franscisco and totally fell for Ethen. Hard. Can't wait til he's 18 and I'm....eww. I also realized my best friend in the world has problems that I can do nothing about; all I can do is love her. I should remind myself of that more often. Jude and Nicky took the plunge. Niko gave his first talk and Blew. Me. Away. Like, with a twelve-guage. Oh, and I went to a Pistons playoff game! Sweet. Of course they won.

May:
I really started to bond with Byron and Jessica. Good thing too, or that anniversary gift would've been awkward! Jubi was in town and we went to the Original House of Pancakes and mmm... yea I'm stretching. Not much happened in May besides the same old stuff. But I did survive the reading of The Devil Wears Prada. And I really should get to writing this Math Shopping book.

June: it's half over!
I had my own anniversary. And you thought I had committment issues. Plus Pistons Win! Pistons Win! Pistons Parade! Pistons Memorabilia! Pistons Month! Oh, and the district assembly, now officially our last District at the Silverdome [What if we had known then what we know now? What would've been different?] and my first week of pioneer school. If I cop to my amnesia can I go again this year?

July:
I turned 24 and the day itself was good. Then I had the requisite meltdown you have at 24. Actual quote from a different paper journal: "I want to group up and be too punk rock for this. I want to not be judged by the people and things that surround me." Maybe I'll get that one day. I went to Kentucky to get my mind off my problems. Fell in love with Sonny('s tattoo). I'm still mesmerized.

August:
Went to Sharon's shower. Learned to drive a stick: Very Slowly. Watched Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea. Got the heck out of dodge and headed for the hills of Argentina.

September:
New service year, still no job. Camped in PA, had a blast. Having no certain relationship with a particular friend had me down in the dumps. Temporarily restore friendship only to start the Biggest Falling Out Ever in Camping trip #2. Second biggest regret of the year. Nicely wrapped up into the same person.

October:
Apologies. The Great Sleepover of 2004. I don't think an event like that will be repeated any time soon. Joel and Sharon's wedding. My friendship with Gabe blossomed. Billy came to town and lit up our lives. I danced with Jordan.

November:
Dan G. reinstated! "Financially cutoff" would be the buzzwords of the month. And "job mission critical." I seriously considered becoming a drunk. And then I fell off a ladder. That sure jacked my ish up. I feel like I'll never be the same. I'll be one of those old people who clutches their ribs and knows that the snow is coming.

December:
Ah, only a month ago but still an eternity. Got teased with a job for two weeks. An unexpected friendship rose from the ashes of the past year. And then I promptly burned it back down because newsflash: Ruining stuff? It's just what I'm good at. I spoke from my heart and got stonewalled, or in other words, exactly what I deserved. I also learned that even though I'm drawn to it, I don't deserve to be treated badly. And when a conversation ends and I feel bad about myself because of what they said, it's not always me. I started knitting and I love it. Took the personality test. I'm an E/I SFJ. Totally explains everything.

So that was my year in a nutshell; an impossibly big run-on sentence nutshell. I learned a lot about me, made a lot of mistakes, hopefully a few I'll learn from in the new year. I don't make resolutions but I do make goals. And this year they are pretty grandiose, but its about time I shake stuff up in a very grandiose fashion. My theme for next year? Reclaiming the Mystery. Hopefully it's not too late.

Tops and bottoms to the 2005! It can't get any worse. Or as the optomists say, it can only get better.

3:13 p.m. - 01-06-05

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